Nervous Breakdowns, Panics Attacks and OCD, Oh My!

I AM LOSING MY SHIT! And yes, I did have to yell that because otherwise I will spontaneously combust. Hey, it's possible... I saw it on the Discovery Channel. It's hard work living with my parents. I love them, I do. I just can not stomach the way they live.

Every morning when Elizabeth and I sit down in the kitchen to do the breakfast thing, I can feel my chest constricting. Doesn't sound tricky, does it? I mean, we're just sitting down at the table to eat. She and I sit in the highchair and the one chair, out of four, that is not otherwise occupied respectively. Are they being used by people? No. They are being carefully reserved for things like small appliances, big sacks of plastic grocery bags and mail... from last year.

It's all downhill from there. I won't even go in to it. All I can say is that I have actually been talking myself through panic attacks several times a day. My ex husband used to induce panic attacks. I hate them. In case your not neurotic like me, they feel like you are going to die.

My mother always blames it on my dad. Yes, he's a slob but she's no better. She may not be dirty, per say, but she likes to pile things up... everywhere. She has always taken pride in what she calls her OCD. She says that she's neat and clean and orderly. No, you're not. Unless it's opposite day.

I'm not the neatest person in the world. Really, never open drawers in my kitchen (when I had one anyway). They're a mess. But you can't see it and that's what counts. Patience is getting harder. I've only been here, two weeks? I'm in serious trouble here. I don't see anything. You must be able to see the pain on my face. My parents just look at me and roll their eyes and literally throw their hands up in the air before they leave the room mumbling under their breath how much I piss them off. Likewise.

I need to get a job and fast. It's not going to be too much longer before I'll be committed. My parents are a fan of that approach but, that's a story for another day.