Just Life

Life has an interesting way or never being boring. Sometimes, I could use a little dullness. Excitement can be good when it's positive but I find that it so often is not. It's also much easier to remember the bad moments as they leave such a large footprint.

This morning I found out that my uncle has prostate cancer. I asked my father, who seems to inevitably be the bearer of bad news, what course of treatment he thought my uncle would take. His answer was none. I asked how long he thought he had. He didn't have anything to say on that.

My uncle and I are not very close. We tend to fundamentally disagree on almost all the big topics... religion, politics (especially politics) and so on and so forth. That aside, I don't want to see him suffer. I hate knowing that when he's gone my cousin, though in all rights a mature adult at 41, is going to be alone. He has never not had a parent around.

My aunt died a little over 3 years ago of cervical cancer. She chose, as well, to take no manner of medical interaction. She died within 4 months of being diagnosed. I fear the same is imminent with him. It's just such a sad and torturous way to go. I wouldn't wish that fate upon anyone.

I just lost my mother in law to cancer a few months back. She did opt for aggressive treatments to no avail. I miss her terribly. I think about her often and wonder how she was so brave when I know she was in pain. I miss my aunt too. She seemed to know the answer to anything domestic. Who needed the internet to find out how to get dust off of fake flowers when you had Aunt Paula? I know that we're all born to die but the reality of that even at very ripe ages is still saddening. We should all be so lucky as to just pass easily in our sleep. But, I guess part of the human experience is the suffering and humility it leaves behind.