Aching With Guilt

I'm feeling so guilty. I feel like a bad mother. Elizabeth had her first accident today. I was standing right there! I even thought to myself, "Libby's going to fall and hurt herself". That's when I said to her, "no, no" and I went to grab her before she fell but it was too late. She had put her mouth around the round drawer pull on the kitchen cabinet. And she fell. And it cut the inside of her mouth. AND pushed one of her teeth in to her lip where it now resides, hopefully not permanently. I freaked. Of course.

I called the doctor to see if I needed to go to the ER. They weren't very nice. That's unusual for my pediatrician's office. They told me that even if I went, mouth injuries aren't usually treatable and will heal fine on their own. Um, yeah... in case you were wondering, I'm sitting there holding a baby with blood all over her and she's just a little upset. I'm also covered in blood and just a little shaken. You're telling me there's nothing to do?! Are you kidding?!

The ex was supposed to "babysit" so I could work tonight. I called to tell him what had happened and that I wasn't sure if I'd need to go to the ER yet or not. He didn't answer. I left a message and he didn't call back. So, I called again and he didn't answer his office phone so I called his cell phone. That got a big, "what do you f'ing want? I'm on a conference call and don't have time for this." Fine, fuck you too. He apparently hadn't checked his messages because he called back later worried sick (as he should have been) but, I'm still waiting for my apology. I guess two apologies in two days is a bit much to ask. I could go in to all the tawdry details of how I'm a "crazy bitch" and such but really rehashing the fight just makes me want to scream and the baby's sleeping.

Elizabeth's fine. She's sore, which is to be expected. I think she'll make it though. She'll definitely be able to use the guilt thing later on in life. Good thing she won't remember this one. Otherwise, I'd for sure end up buying her a pony for her birthday.