I've been feeling sorry for myself a lot lately. My brain is working overtime on all the things I have fucked up in the past. The thing is that I really don't know how I fucked them up, I just did. And being that the only consistency between them is me, I think the only possible conclusion we can come to is that it's ME.
I saw on a friend's myspace page, my old best friend. We weren't best friends for a short while... it was more like 14 years give or take. The thing is, I decided to send her a message and say that I thought she'd dropped off the face of the earth it had been so long and that I really hoped she was doing well. Cue crickets. Nothing. NOT A DAMN WORD! Ok, I'm the first to admit that I can be a bitch but, come on! I didn't run over her dog or anything. As a matter of fact I can't think of a single thing. The last thing I remember about our relationship was calling her to get her new address (she'd just moved) so I could send her an invitation to my wedding reception. I called her six times and left voicemail. I still don't know where she lives. I just don't get it. If I did something, wouldn't the logical thing to do be to tell me that I'd offended you? Or maybe just send a text message that says, "fuck you. now die.".
I've just moved back in with my parents and a lot of my old friends are still in the area. The problem? I've lost touch with all of them. I still speak to Katie, who has her thumb on the events of everyone that we used to hang out with. One girl, Carrie, who I was really close with, is getting married this month. I haven't heard from her in forever. I said something to Katie about how I hadn't heard from her and she suggested I called Carrie and apologize. I asked for what... I didn't get an answer. Seriously?
How did I offend everyone within a 5 mile radius of the town I grew up in? I'm not some monster. I try my best to keep up with friends. I also try my best to be supportive and sympathetic when all they need is a friend. Can someone please tell me what I'm doing so horribly wrong? Really... feel free to comment...
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2 comments:
Hi :-) just stumbled upon your blog :-) When I was 18 I joined the Army to see the world. I live now in germany. Of course I am no longer 18 but twice that age now. I do not think you offended anyone, just sort of maybe distanced yourself away from the others. You have changed. Anyway wish you something nice :-) Have a nice day :-) Jay
ami0470@yahoo.de
I haven't spoken to my "best friend," the girl who was maid of honor in my wedding, in at least five years. I'm not mad at her, I can only presume she's not mad at me. We don't live that far apart, and I'm not that hard to find.
I used to call her. She rarely returned my phone calls. I'd try to set up get togethers, but with the whole not returning phone calls thing it was difficult. Finally I had to tell myself that my phone receives calls as well as it makes them, and when she wants to talk to me I'll still be around. Yeah, five years. Best friends. No, I'm not the least bit bitter.
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